Wednesday, February 22, 2012

This life sucks, that's not gonna change

Our lives are not always what our heart aches for.. but there is always goodness to be found and God is always present.. sometimes it's factory work, so rote and mundane, sometimes we live a life dictated by others, sometimes necessity takes precedent over all and we give up every treasure that we own, coming into this world naked and leaving it so.. and there is always someone there to criticize, ppl who have no clue how much you wish you could live a different life.. who look at your life, green with envy, reeking of discontentment.. and we glimpse ourselves in them.. oh to learn contentment.. to live the life we are called to each day despite circumstance and superficial pleasantries or the lack of it.. to go thru the motions and yet to be who God says we are no matter how different we may appear to ourselves and to others.. Are we made in his image or not.. he placed us here.. he knows who we are, and yet, he calls us to be like him.. but how is that possible.. to look like Christ with so much sin and filth mired up in our hair, under our nails, smeared on our faces and our feet from day to day living in a cesspool?.. Perhaps because the state of being is so very different from circumstance. It is not the circumstances we live in that define us.. it is who we choose to be.. who we are in Christ that determines who we truly are.. and not this fickle life we are destined to walk thru. It is about BEING.. despite how we are made to live this temporary existence.. because this life is gonna end one day soon.. but who we BE is for eternity. Being perfect is being like Christ and choosing the will of the Father, that is perfection, despite our constant imperfections.. it is measuring what is in us, who we are, what we choose to be in every moment and challenge of life, and seeking him to help us to be more like Christ, a little at a time, sometimes by leaps and bounds and sometimes by fractions of an inch. Life is what it is.. that's not gonna change..

But who are we?
Who do we want to BE
Despite how bad life sucks <3

Friday, February 17, 2012

Book of James

James 1

1James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting.

2My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

3Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

4But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Divers simply means diverse or various temptations. So many times when we find our weaknesses tested we scream "why!" or that it's not fair. Sometimes we feel like a failure, mistaking temptation for sin. But even Christ was tempted.. feelings of the flesh become aroused or greed or selfishness pulls on us body mind and soul.. but it is our reaction to that temptation that determines whether we have sinned, not the temptation itself.

Some times it is tempting to question God in such instances and to consider why he would allow us to be exposed to that thing that he knows could break us and bring our ruin. But once again, we need to consider the truth of the matter, and that truth always lies in the Word of God and the life of Christ. It was not God the Father who tempted Christ to sin or to be selfish.. it was Satan, enemy of God and the children of God. Isn't it just like Satan to try to convince us that it is God's fault or that he is unjust in his testing of our faith. But such tests are not orchestrated by God, they are an attack of the enemy.

Yes, God oversees all, and Satan must approach the throne of God to obtain permission to attack us (see Book of Job) but there are parameters that God operates in that we do not fully see or understand. There are laws and a greater good that remain in play coupled with the mercy and protective nature of our God. We wonder and ponder such things, but we are to never doubt the goodness and righteousness and motive of our God.. he is always working for our good and fighting for each of us.. he keeps his promises and his love is zealously committed.

It comes to mind about fasting, when I think of the strengthening and training that occurs in such temptations. That, after all, is why God allows us to go through things at times.. he knows what snares the enemy has placed along our walk, he knows our weaknesses, and he knows what to allow us to go through (even though such difficulties were never his plan, and always break his heart). Sometimes those temptations we face, will bring failure in our life or hurt or challenge.. but always as part of the process, never as the final result. Victory is always the final result no matter how difficult the testing or the attack, IF WE HOLD TIGHT TO CHRIST. Even in our sin, even in our grief, our pain, our torment and torture, and lack of understanding, even as we question God as to why.. we must trust in the core of our being that God is present and active in the situation.. he is right and good and has the final say despite the enemy's attempts and our selfishness and smallness.

We are gonna fail in the process of life.. in the process of the task.. it is our nature and our limitation as human beings.. but our success comes from trusting God to step up and infuse us with his Spirit and his nature to make up the difference, to fill in the gaps, to equip us with weapons and faith that he creates from the nothingness around us. That is the light that suddenly appears in your darkest hour. there is no explanation, there isn't even a way to put it into words fully, there is only the smallness of saying there was nothing but blackness saturating the situation.. and suddenly the voice of God spoke from no where and yet every where.. and there was light.

One minute we were on the ground, gutted and gasping a final breath.. and in that final breath a hand reaches out to touch us.. healing surges through us physically and spiritually (though not always emotionally at first because we are often in shock from the attack). We find ourselves rising to our feet without even realizing it.. we make the decision to trust the voice whispering to us as it holds us up and nourishes our hope. We step because there is nothing else left to do but to step. We move forward because that's where his spirit pulls us and encourages us to go. Inches and less than inches, until a full step is achieved, no matter how long it takes, no matter how unsure we are, no matter how numb and confused our heart feels..

When we trust that name, Jesus, we know him when he speaks to us, no matter how disoriented we feel or how broken and shattered we are. It is a process that involves much as we move forward and regain our strength, though many scars remain. We have learned many things about our enemy, about our own weaknesses and strengths, and about our God and how he refuses to abandon us in our hour of need, in our most broken moments, in our failure, in our sorrow and our grief, in our confusion and willingness to give up.

If we hold onto him, if we refuse to take our eyes off of him, if we resign that we will let him allow our death before we doubt him or give up on him.. we win.

period

plain and simple

There is no but, no maybe, no sometimes.. it is his promise and he is not a man that he would lie. All men lie.. but Christ is God and Man.. he is what we can be, truth and goodness and justice at all times.. our example.. the only begotten, who offers us adoption to be like him, who pieces together our imperfection with his perfection because of his great love and mercy and power. He changes us. We become like him. Not through anything we do of ourselves, but because he offers and we choose to receive. Our part is just to believe him, to trust him to keep his Word and his promises, to trust that he loves us as much as he says he does, to know without having to see, by faith.. in our heart, in our head, in our being.

Temptations come, testing comes, we fail in the process, but he causes us to win and to fail less often along the way. There is an end to this journey. And God says we win. It's up to you what you believe and whether or not to give up. Just know that he will never be the one to give up.. you can walk away and spit in his face and nail him to a cross.. but as long as there is breath in your body, he will always hold out forgiveness and love and hope to you.

He loves you.
Jesus loves you <3

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Big Brothers *hearts*

~ Happy Valentines Day!

~ "Father in heaven, I love you. I love you because you are more than worthy of my love. I love you because you have first loved me. I love you because you sent your son to be my big brother and pay the price for my adoption into your family. I love you because of your faithfulness. I love you because you have permitted me in your grace to love you. In the name of Jesus I thank you. Amen.'" (Ware)

~ My big brothers have their flaws like all of us do, but they were the best big brothers a girl could ask for. They were so protective of me, they were so strict with me, they would send me home if boys were trying to get out line with me, they cut tobacco and worked hard to get me the extras in life that our family couldn't afford growing up, they were physically ill when I went thru medical treatments as a kid because it hurt them so much to see me hurt.. my big brothers.. I love them and am so thankful that God let me be their little sister.. this prayer by Phil Ware just struck me this morning..

sometimes Christ can seem harsh when we consider the standard he holds us to and the consequence he doles out, whether grounding us a bit from something or removing us from a situation that we don't realize is a threat.. and yet so loving and protective and genuinely concerned about our well being in every way.. sacrificing, working hard to provide good things, encouraging us and teaching us how to live this crazy life, setting an example and leading us to walk in it.. God sent us the perfect big brother in Jesus.. I love him so much <3

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Network TV is causing it's own demise...

I still love love love the NEW GIRL.. but I am no longer a loyal fan.. see here's the thing, networks and such want a loyal fan base but they give so little in return.. fan-base is sick of reruns and delayed scheduling for whatever reason.. whether an attempt to tantalize the audience and get them hooked or just poor production on their part.. such LOST tactics are burning ppl out. Back in the day, a series had a dependable new episode each week, reruns were occasional or rare.. but today with better technology and blah blah blah, fans are regularly disappointed when they tune in most weeks.. not just NEW GIRL but it has become the norm these days. If networks want loyal fans they should at least give a little loyalty and commitment back instead of just focusing on strategies to up their ratings and revenue. With all the social networking and living in a television, podcast, society, ppl wanna tune in each week and have something to chat about.. hard to do when the networks let them down constantly.. so that's my rant.. just don't get it.. why do you think ppl tune into S&L and Fallon regularly, cuz it's usually something fresh and new to chat or blog or text about.. so yeah..

yes, I know, and the fact that Fallon is so absolutely stinking funny ^_^
... but seriously, when you have to announce to fans that there is a new episode tonight cuz a new episode is such a rare thing (even tho it's a new series).. that's pretty sad.

Friday, February 3, 2012

EMPTY: letting our hand drop from his

‎"I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." (Psalm 59:16)

I testify to the truth of this passage.. thru tears, thru gut-wrenching agony that we find ourselves walking thru at times in this life.. when our joy has been stolen and our heart is shattered and the pieces seem lost forever.. he stands beside us and guards us from ourselves and others who mean to harm us.. holding our joy in one hand and restoring every little piece of our heart one by one with the other.. until we are whole enuff to hold onto that joy for ourselves... he doesn't abandon us when the world goes black around us and we can see nothing good in the world any more, rather without words at first, he walks beside us in silence, serving, nourishing us, healing us bit by bit.. and then he washes over us with the warmth of his breath as he assures us that we are loved, that we can make it, that hope remains, that someone knows the truth and the hurt and cares and is fighting for you.. that joy is Him.. the love of Jesus Christ, and no matter how empty we feel at times and we drop our hand from his in our numbness.. he refuses to abandon us, he refuses to let us die or to wander in the darkness.. as long as their is breath in our body and the chance that we will whisper to him from our heart to help us.. he will continue to serve and to wait and to love.. our God is great, our God is love, not some politically correct or socially correct or trendy kind of love.. he is genuine and real and gutsy.. to the death, to discomfort, to giving up the good things he could be basking in to walk thru sewage and war and decay.. because he loves us and refuses to give up.. His love is the kind of love that never quits, he finishes the task, he labors no matter the cost or the loss to himself.. I just.. I just love him so much ♥

"I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." (Psalm 59:16)

Formulas are Insulting (abortion)

In response to a post about women who have walked thru abortion..

This is a great post.. taking it a step further.. we need to be building stronger more gritty relationships with our pre-teen and teen girls, as well as our college age girls.. not just letting them know that we will stand with them no matter what happens in their life.. but to mentor them to be there for their peers who don't have a church family to stand with them.. and who are hesitant to confide even in their friends let alone an adult.. that begins by opening up conversation with the young women in our lives about real temptations they face without making them feel ashamed or condemned.. rather like Christ approaches all of us, by being examples of consistent truth, of gentleness even when we disagree or are afraid for them, seeking the direction of the Spirit of God for each person rather than using a formula on them and insisting that we're not... it has to be genuine, they have to know we see them, and we claim them as family.. so much to say about all of this.. but I have said enuff for now. Much love to the women reading this post who have walked this difficult road of abortion.. you are loved ♥

Thursday, February 2, 2012

TWISTED

You know how crippled my feet are and how often I fall to the ground,

And yet you help me up each time and continue to trust me to carry so much.
You put precious and fragile things in my hands,
things that belong to you, things that are close to your heart,
and I fall and they scatter on the ground.

But you keep them from breaking
and you dust them off and you hand them back to me,
trusting me each time
as though you don't remember my many stumbles and falls...
as though you don't see my crippled feet..
as though you don't expect me to fall again for the millionth time.

Why would you trust me with so much?
Me, a cripple?
Mangled and twisted feet that struggle along in imperfection
failing to advance by leaps and bounds,
always creeping along,
always searching for strength and balance,
always weak?

Yet you continue to be strong, you continue to trust me, you continue to love me.

How can such love exist in a world so full of darkness,
a world that is so unworthy of your presence, so blind to your awesome beauty,
so undeserving of your affection and your constant care?

I don't know.

But it is that love
that guides my feet and my heart to find the strength to get up again.
And it is that love
that makes me able to move forward,
ever so slowly, but always forward.

I will never understand it.
It will continue to amaze me each and every moment,
forever.

Without you, I would remain a cripple in the gutter, begging,
at the mercy of a dark and truly evil world.
Alone and Hopeless.

But because of your presence,
I have a companion,
a comforting voice that speaks wisdom,
a friend,
a strong arm reaching out to me --
I have someone that trusts me,
that encourages me,
that give me direction and purpose in this life, in this world,
in my weakness.

Either way,
I am a cripple.
But life is worth living because you see me
as healthy and able and whole.

And as you help me to see myself as you see me,
I am falling less often, though I still fall.
And it is easier to find the strength I need along the way,
because you place it near me, at arm's length,
so I only need to reach for it
to find it.

The world is still dark,
My feet are still twisted,
and I stumble along and fall quite often.

But my heart is full of light
and your hand is always there for me when I'm face down in the dirt.

So I continue to get up and to stand.

I continue to hold tight to all that you have entrusted to me
and I continue forward in search of more of you,
in search of the things you have made mention of
in our many conversations along the way.

in search of our final destination together
when this dark world will be only a memory that we seldom think of,
and my feet will be as you have always seen them,

never stumbling,

forever strong and perfect.

Amanda
2007

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

2012 year of prayer (unite)

~ Nothing in life is perfect.. there's always a catch or a glitch or a messiness to things.. it's God that brings perfection.. if we just try wholeheartedly and trust him.. he is the key that ensures the fulfillment of good things.. scripture says to be perfect and that can be confusing.. but not when you understand what that's sposed to look like.. seek to be perfect with everything in you is what that really means.. and trust God to fill in the gaps that you can't... that's what it means to "be perfect."

~ Perfection in life is possible.. but it is never something you can do in your own strength.. Perfection is a team effort.. your whole heart with all it's imperfection and short comings and failures.. wholly committed to SINCERELY TRYING.. and God on your side doing what you can't to bring that WIN that we are all looking for.

~ ‎"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."
(Deuteronomy 6:4-5)
We are adopted in.. we are part of spiritual Israel.. do we love him like this or not?

~ Think of that person that you love with everything in you.. the one that no one better mess with or you will show them what's what.. now measure that with your love for God.. do you love God with all that is within you? Do you understand how huge his love is for you? You give good gifts to the ppl you love.. you commit fully to them.. how does that measure up to your romance and passion for Jesus Christ who loves you way beyond anything you could imagine?..

~ What ministry or outreach has God put on your heart to do recently? Cover it in prayer.. agree together.. 2012 is gonna be a year of unity in ministry like never before among God's ppl.. I have seen it, and feel it, and believe it.. prayer is the one common bond, that moment and action where ppl find themselves able to put aside all differences and hurts and agree together in their love for God and ppl.. they may part company for a season as relationships continue the healing process.. but when they come together, no matter the history involved.. when they bow their hearts to God and agree together in ministry.. that is the connection place, the assurance of uniting hearts as the ppl of God.. his bride.

~ pray this over whatever outreach your church is working on, substitute the name of your city in place of mine.. God is working in individual churches and yet in his church as a whole at the same time.. I stand in agreement with what he is doing in your church body as I stand in agreement with what he is doing in my own <3

"Father, we agree together for what you have planned for this city.. we put our hearts and our offering on the table in this UPRISING event and we ask you to use it to make your presence known to every man, woman, child, and family in this city.. we ask that you open doors of opportunity for relationships to be planted and to bloom, and that you would prepare hearts to receive as your word goes forth from this event.. bring provision in every way, bring laborers that will unite with one heart, stir something in the atmosphere of this city so that it will know that God has come down to visit us because of his great love for us.. loose your Spirit Oh God.. go to the hard places and dark places, to the city square and to the most remote and forgotten.. break the chains that have held so many in bondage in Clarksville.. remove the masks of deception and bring a cleansing and a freedom that ppl have never known.. we need you Lord, Clarksville needs you, and we cry out to you to use this event to change lives and to draw hearts to you.. protect your laborers, make their hearts humble, and fill them with courage and faith and love.. thank you Father that you have answered before we even asked, in the name of our Savior and Lord and Friend, we love you Jesus. Amen ♥